ERADICATE SELFISH PARENTING!

For many, the act of parenting is individualistic task (a selfish task, many may say), parents are potentially the most influential individuals in child’s and are considered the child’s first teacher. It is from the parent that the child learns his first lesson in socialization, values and attitude.  

However with the multiple sources of support needed to assist in the development of the child the task of parenting is becomes a collective task; the parent is not the sole source of nurturing. The parent relies on other persons and entities to provide guidance and support, family members, friends, the Government, the school and the community.  Each of these pillars is critical in the development of the child. As a country, it will become very important for us to think of every child as our own. The selfish comments such as: “it is not my child, so I don’t care” or “I don’t want anyone to parent my child” needs to be stop. As well as the act of selfish parenting: playing of laud music, using profanity in the presence of children, exposing the children in the community to or involving them in inappropriate behaviour such as: allowing children to participate in seductive dances, have pornographic conversation or exposing  to act of sexuality activities from community TV or through the street dance. 

The act of selfish parenting has tainted the behaviour of our children, no longer do they listen to adults when they try and counsel them on the streets when they are found to be engaging in inappropriate behaviour; the first thing that is uttered is “you not my parent, you can’t talk to me”. The parents are the once who have cultivated this kind of disrespectful behaviour. 

The “Old Time Parenting” in Jamaica made children actions accountable to the community. The child knew that if they were caught doing or seen as an participating in wrong doing then the adult present would reprimand the child and then report the action to the parent. Parenting involves raising children to be healthy and competent adults who are capable of functioning independently in the world - A.J. Thomas (2000).  In this regard, the welfare of children should be that of the community, and the child should be schooled in the home to respect the community and to acknowledge the role that the community plays in their lives.  A community is a collective body of people (churches, business, family, non-family members, sports and other community groups) who interact as a social unit towards a common interest or goal. It is in this context that selfish parenting must be eradicated and the renewal of community parenting advance. 

While it can be understood that culture has evolved and family life differs from life in the 1950s in the areas of time, income and cost of living, demography, and the fact that more women are working and spending less time at home; causing a shifting in attitudes, economics, and social norms of how children are cared for (Farkas, Duffet & Johnson, 2000). In addition, parents are also struggling with multiple new entities (e.g., TV, computers, Internet, social media, smart phones, etc) that compete for their children’s attention and contribute to a loss of family connectedness and community.  

However, it must be understood and appreciated that parenting is a “societal construction”, and that construction includes multiple messages from policymakers, popular media, researchers, and educators (McCasline and Infanti (1998). In previous generations when parents had a parenting question or concern, they would seek advice from the elders in the community or ask an experienced relative. Community parenting concept is not new, and is personified in the old Jamaica saying "It takes a village to raise a child".

The field of parent education is beginning to use a community paradigm to accomplish better parent-school communication and neighbouring support generate positive student outcome (Villa, 2003). School principals could benefit from developing advisory groups to share their visions and ideas for improving educational outcomes. Parents would benefit from doing the same. McIntire (1999) has noted that parenting today is challenging because of the dangerous examples and attitudes to which children are exposed... Let move collective towards creating a better though positive and effective parenting.

As so eloquently stated by Dr. Pauline Mullings (Chairperson of the National Child Month Committee, 2013) “Adults, parents and caregivers, it is high time that we rise up and understand that our duty, our job, our assignment, our mission is to show Jamaica’s children how much we care by shielding them from child labour, sexual immorality, drug abuse, negative media and the internet influences.

If we put our hearts and soul together as a nation and work towards one common goal “enacting effective parenting for optimal child outcome” we will see a change not just in the social etiquette of our children, but a steady decrease in crime as our children become educated and our nation become more productive in thoughts and our action allowing for an economy to grow through the eradication of selfish parenting and re-inclusion of a community based parenting in our social structure.