When Friends Fight!!!!

I often ask myself why people who wrong you, expect you to apologies to them.

Last week my friend Clora and I were driving and we were having a heated discussion about love and relationship. The conversation seemed to spiral down a road that brought up some old memories for Clora and she became aggressive.  I mentioned the word cheating and noted that sometimes doing it for revenge is not the best option. Clora said “really, really now well mi don’t care!” I surmised at that moment that she either had done it, or had intentions to.

Being my pushy self, I continued to interrogate. “Clora, why are you being so loud, are you a cheater”, I laughed. “Please leave me be, ‘dun the argument’. “Clora I am serious, if you have not already don’t”. “Grieve is too much”. Grieve, grieve, please it is the best thing I ever did. The look on his face when I sent him the pictures of my actions. He saw me and my lover doing things I never did with him. Trust me girl, just the thought of it made me happy”. “Were you happy, Clora?”.

Well that led to me getting a whole lot of Jamaican bad words, lengths and lengths of clothes.  I shouted right back and then I told her to get the f**K out of my car.  I stop the car on the middle of the toll booth and you know once you start driving there is no turning back. She looked at me with disdain and anger. She was mortified. But being Clora, she open the door told me to f**k-off and step-out in all her dignity as she slapped the door behind her.

Well, I drove off as mad as f**K.  Cussing as I drove.  “How dear she, I said”. I drove for about five 10 minutes before I came to my senses.  I proceed to call, but she never answered me. Clora was always proud and stubborn and if it was not so late; I would not have even considered making another attempt to call her. But it was 3am in the morning.  I called and she did not answer.  So I kept driving but with lots of worry.

Was I wrong or was she.  Should I apologies?

WHEN THE HEART IS NOT READY!

I was at a friend’s house some week ago and she was sharing a story about your boyfriend.  Apparently he had cheated on her a few years back, and she had decided to forgive him. But, in doing so she believed that it was a wrong decision to make because she had already lost her position in his heart.  In tears she spoke about his treatment towards her; how cold he had become and how his utterances pierced into her like a dagger.   As she spoke I looked at her trying to withhold my own tears. I couldn't resist, and so I asked her why she stayed.  She looked up at me with half a smile and said “it is easier to stay than to go. The pain I feel when I am away from him hurts more than how he treats me”.

Not understanding, I sat in silence gazing at her in confusion and I repeated the words in my mind “it is easier to stay than to go. The pain I feel when I am away from him hurts more than how he treats me”. I thought long and hard because I did not want to say anything to hurt my friend but I know that I needed to help her to walk away from this painful and damaging relationship. I was silent for a good five minutes, as I pondered and then I spoke slowly and carefully. “I understand what you are going through; I also know that it is hard to start over. You have given so much of yourself to this man. But do you believe that there is better out there for you. Have you ever wondered if after the tears and the pain there could be happiness, if you decided to walk away.

In tears, she lifted her head and looked upon me with her big brown eyes and said, “all the questions you are asking I have also asked myself. I have tried to walk away but the pain is so so unbearable”. The constant gazing, the constant crying walking up at nights drowning in my own tears.”  The pill I take for release, is going back. For the first few days or weeks I am happy. We laugh, we hug, we make love and we talk. And, I just watch like a painting that becomes wet and the ink runs the scene becomes blurry and the things that once brought life and laughter in the room turns cold and unfamiliar. This is the motion of my life. I am on a roller coaster. One minute I am laughing and then I am screaming and without even thinking I start to cry.”

At that point I knew that I needed to be patient. I need to stand down. Because, if the heart is not ready, you can’t force the heart to change. She is my friend and I love her but I know that if I push her she will block me out. I know how to pick my battles.

Do you believe that I made the right decision?