The Conversation
"Son, the first the think that you need to do is to know who you are to be comfortable with yourself, this will allow you to accept your partner for who they are and love everything about them, including their imperfections. He looked at me puzzled and said, I do not understand. I then asked him are you perfect, is there anything about you that you do not like or are not comfortable about. He smiled and said no I am not perfect, I do not like my ears they are too big and I hate having to wait on people, it annoys me. "But I love your ears, they actual stand up when you get excited and I love that you do not like waiting on people, it tells me that you are independent". He smiled. I then asked him what he does not like about me, he looked up eyes bright but worrying, and said 'I do not like when you get upset and shout it makes me feel bad. I prefer when you talk to me. When you shout you are speaking at me and not too me". "WOW! Interesting. Do you love me less because I shout". "No Mom I actual miss it sometimes especially, when I am away on holidays. I would remember and smile". I smiled and said, that is a part of who I am son, loving me means accepting me even with the shouting. But before you can do that, you have accept yourself and acknowledge that we all have imperfections, including you. He smiled and said "oh now I understand, I have to love everything, even the things I can't stand". and we both laughed.
I continued to to answer the original question, "so now that we have that cleared the second thing is to show affection and give compliments. "A woman likes to feel loved, a hung, a peck on the cheek, holding her hand, telling her that you love her, telling her that she is beautiful and that you like that shade of lips stick or outfit makes a woman feel special. Buying her a nice gift for no reason makes her know that you are thinking about her, calling her just tell her that you love her is something that brings her joy. What it does too, is shows her that you appreciate having her in your life". "I understand that mommy, so should she do the same for me, I want to feel special too". Yes I replied, all that I am telling you goes for both the man and the woman. And so he nodded.
The third thing and one of the most important is respect. You must respect her, to do this you must be mindful of how you speak to her, choose her words carefully and don't say things that will hurt her. "So what if she says things to hurt me". "Son, love is not a game, you are not competing. Yes she may say something or do something that hurts you. It does not mean that you should hurt her back, walk away and at a later time let her know how it made you feel". "Mom that is hard to do". "I agree Son, but love is hard. To show respect you will have to comprise, you will need to be strong enough to admit when you are wrong or tell the other person when they are wrong and you do not have to be disrespectful to get the message a cross". "It takes setting boundaries". "Mommy, boundaries I am not going to be a child." "Son, boundaries are not for children alone; respect requires communication, your partner must know your likes and dislike and vice-versa and that is why it is import for you to be self-aware". He shook his head and said, Mommy that is a lot of work. "Yes, Son it is, but if you love someone you will do all that is possible to make them happy". "Like what you do for me". It took a lot of composure for me not to cry as I never knew that my son was so mature. Yes, Son is all I could say.
The forth thing is that you must show appreciation. In a relationship both parties do things for each other you need to always be grateful enough to show gratitude. Say thank you, let her know that you are thankful for the support and help. "I show gratitude to you Mommy". "Yes you do Snon, and I too say thanks to you when you help me or say something nice to me."
"Son, supportive is the next thing you must be. You have to be there for her when she needs you, even when you yourself is not in the mood, this too is compromise. For example if she is sick you need to help her get better, if she is going to school you stay-up and help her study. A good partner must also ensure that his woman is supported financially, emotionally and socially. You need to date your spouse though-out the relationship, this too makes her feel special and shows her that you appreciate her". "Mommy, I like the support part, you do the same things for me, you even date me". I could do nothing more, than reach out and hold his hand.
"The final thing that you must do is be honest. Do not tell lies, do not cheat. A woman hates that and it hurts her. This is where she begins to doubt you and does not believe you and what you say." This can also break up the relationship because she does not trust you anymore". "So that is why you get upset with me, when I tell you lies, because you don't want to break-up our relationship". "Yes son, I want to always no that I can trust you and trust your word. I woman needs that re-assurance". I understand Mommy, I will always be truthful and honest, I don't want my wife unhappy and I will never cheat on her". I can not or I would not have loved her. You do not cheat on me Mommy and you are always truthful even when you know it will make me cry". "Yes Son, and that is when you led support and hug her show her that you appreciate her and will be there no matter what." Being in a relationship requires commitment, even when it hard to do so"
"Mommy, I know now what a woman needs and I can fulfill them." Me, being the proud mother I just sat there smiling, feeling very proud that I had imparted so much good qualities on my step-son, sub-consciously through my own actions.
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