If the heart is not ready there is no hope….

Today, as I sat listening to Lisa talk about her relationship it dawned on me that if the heart is not ready, there is no hope. Lisa has been with Paul for nineteen years and during that time he has not only cheated on her but as had a child in the relationship, has been physical and disrespectful.

As she spoke and I looked at her, her eyes were red and I knew the tears wanted to fall but it just couldn’t; her pain was more unbearable that she than she could bear. I held my friends and looked at her and I said: “Lisa is it worth it, nineteen years and nothing has changed, it has only gotten worst”. As I spoke, Lisa closed her eyes and squeezed my hands and said “you don’t understand, I have tried to walk away, we have children and they look to both of us for stability. We have been together for so long, that I don’t know how to move on. Peta, I have even moved out. But my heart leads me right back. And each time I hope it will get better, but it never does”.

Being the friend that I am and knowing that she just wanted to talk, I just sat and listened. Has she continued, “Peta, when I met him and we decided to be together we made a pact that we would grow old and die together”.  At that moment, I could not resist, I had to put in my few cents. “So, he went on a weekend with a female, you found out, you spoke to him about it, he simply hung up the phone without a responding. This is not his first, second, or third indiscretion. And, you sit here talking about “pact”? What pact? Sorry, to rub salt in the wound but the only person who made a pact is you!” My friend pulled her hand away and the tears that lingered but could not fall start to pour. And for a minute, I felt bad because I made my friend cry. And I realized that the wounds were very raw and deep.

“Lisa my love, I am truly sorry, I was out of order to have said that, it was not my place”. Surprisingly, she looked at me with a half of a smile and said, “Peta, I have for ten years now new that that pact made nineteen years ago, was only made by me.  I live everyday wanting and trying to run. However each time I make an attempt, my body says run but my heart keeps me coming back. And, when I return it is perfect but it only lasts for a moment.

As I watched my friend, I just could not phantom living her life and walking in her shoe. She as a beautiful home, three beautiful children and financial stability. However the things that she has worked hard for: the happiness and the man who loves and will cherishes her she does not have and will never have if she stays in this relationship. As I watched my friend I realized that I could not help her, that I could not comfort her because I was so upset. Don’t get me wrong, I understood that her fear was not just about leaving him, but also about giving up on a love that she had built for more than over a decade. So I sat and I listened and I held her hand because my silence meant more to her than my words.